I Thought Great Work Was Enough (Until I Tried to Lead a Team)

Let me start with the truth:

I’m not the person who instantly clicks with people at work. I don’t gravitate toward watercooler conversations. I don’t instinctively jump into lunch banter. I often find comfort in my headphones and to-do lists over chatter and chai.

But here’s what hit me like a brick when I was eyeing a promotion to become a team leader:

Performance alone isn’t leadership. Connection is.

Why I Didn’t Mingle

• I thought results spoke louder than relationships.

• I believed good work would be enough. Spoiler: it’s necessary, but not sufficient.

• Small talk drained me.

• I didn’t know how to ‘casually connect’. I felt like I needed a reason to talk to someone—and “Hey, how was your weekend?” didn’t feel reason enough.

• I feared being misunderstood.

• What if I said something weird? What if I sounded too formal or too cold or too different?

But Then I Noticed Something

The people getting pulled into projects, given visibility, or asked for opinions weren’t always the smartest or the loudest.

• They were the most approachable.

• People trusted them.

• People wanted to work with them.

• And when the conversation turned to “Who should lead this team?” — it wasn’t just about capability. It was about confidence, empathy, and relationship capital.

Why Mingling Matters (Especially If You Want to Lead)

• Leadership is influence, not just execution.

• You can't influence a team you don't understand or connect with.

• You need to know the human behind the task.

• Deadlines are easier to drive when you’ve taken the time to ask someone how they’re doing.

• Trust is built in everyday moments.

• Not just during performance reviews or crisis calls.

• People follow leaders who see them, not just manage them.

What I’ve Started Doing (Small Steps)

• I block 15 minutes a week just to check in with someone informally.

• I ask non-work questions during 1:1s—even if they feel awkward at first.

• I try to listen without rushing to solve.

I remind myself: mingling isn’t about being fake. It’s about being present.

Final Thought

If you’re like me—head-down, results-first, awkward in small talk—I get it. Truly.

But if you’re aiming to lead, remember this:

• You can’t lead people you don’t connect with.

• You can’t inspire a team that doesn’t feel seen.

• So don’t just focus on being a better professional.

• Focus on being a better person to work with.

Because in the long run, it’s not just your work that gets you promoted—it’s your presence.