A quiet lesson in connection, not just performance.
Let me start with the truth: I'm not the person who instantly clicks with people at work. I don't gravitate toward watercooler conversations. I don't instinctively jump into lunch banter. I often find comfort in my headphones and to-do lists over chatter and chai.
But here's what hit me like a brick when I was eyeing a promotion to become a team leader: performance alone isn't leadership. Connection is.
Why I Didn't Mingle
- I thought results spoke louder than relationships. Good work would be enough. Spoiler: it's necessary, but not sufficient.
- Small talk drained me. I didn't know how to "casually connect." I felt like I needed a reason to talk to someone — and "Hey, how was your weekend?" didn't feel reason enough.
- I feared being misunderstood. What if I sounded too formal, too cold, too different?
But Then I Noticed Something
The people getting pulled into projects, given visibility, or asked for opinions weren't always the smartest or the loudest. They were the most approachable. People trusted them. People wanted to work with them.
And when the conversation turned to "Who should lead this team?" — it wasn't just about capability. It was about confidence, empathy, and relationship capital.
Why Mingling Matters
- Leadership is influence, not just execution. You can't influence a team you don't understand.
- You need to know the human behind the task. Deadlines are easier to drive when you've taken time to ask someone how they're doing.
- Trust is built in everyday moments. Not just during performance reviews or crisis calls.
What I've Started Doing
- Blocking 15 minutes a week just to check in with someone informally.
- Asking non-work questions during 1:1s — even if they feel awkward at first.
- Listening without rushing to solve.
- Reminding myself: mingling isn't about being fake. It's about being present.
You can't lead people you don't connect with. You can't inspire a team that doesn't feel seen. So don't just focus on being a better professional — focus on being a better person to work with.